Teaching Your Kids Be A Friend Of Christ Jesus

I’d like to have the faith to believe that I was inspired by the Holy Spirit to bring awareness of the need that we find in our roles as parents, which is to raise godly children. The scriptures say:

Matthew 16:24-25

“If anyone desires to come after me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross, and follow me. For whoever desires to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for my sake will find it.”

The scripture found in Matthew 16 speaks about learning to deny, what I believe to be our learned behaviors of selfish desires, and placing all of these things (wants and needs) under the power of Christ and following Him (taking up our cross). Then the verse goes on to say, Who ever does these things, is actually saving their own lives and those who do not do these things are actually losing their lives. Not necessarily in the literal sense, but in the very real sense that when we learn to want what God wants for us, we will be o the path to life.

As obedient and intellectually smart parents, we all want our children to be respectful and well behaved, it’s just a matter of how you go about teaching them. Of course we send them to school, but from our experiences while receiving our education. No one ever really groomed you on how to conduct yourselves, so that’s not the best teacher on how to live with godly principles. So yes, parents, grandparents, and even leaders and teachers called through Jesus Christ, it is a job that we are assigned to do.

Have you ever gone into a toy store, with the intentions of looking for something to buy for your kid, or any store for that matter. The selections of available toys are limitless, but your goal is to purchase only what you specifically want, whether it be one or two gifts. If you’ve ever brought your kids along and the gift is not for them you’ll relate to this analogy. You may or may not know what want to buy, but you are their to find something that you do want. The kid in you or with you will see this and that and naturally want to have it, however, the reasoning adult within or with you, knows that you can’t have every nice thing that you see. It’s the same with this life that God has given each one of us. We are all like the kid in the toy store that when presented with too many options we do one of a few things. 1. Purchase too many items. 2. Waste time deciding which items to purchase. 3. End up purchasing the wrong item.  You will notice that all of these can be time and resource consuming.

That is where we need the leading of the teachings of Christ, the Holy Spirit and the practical application of His Word to step in and guide us. The Holy Spirit will be the voice in our head that will lead us towards Christ and away from the things in life that will keep us from the best things that God has for us. This way we can walk into that “toy store” and walk out with the perfect gift that you absolutely did intend on buying.

I believe that the same thing goes for teaching kids to become obedient followers of Christ. I’ll share a personal my angst about becoming a parent as well as raising my kids, with you real quick, was actually in trusting in God to lead my kids in the direction where they are 100 percent under his authority and control. I don’t know if that’s a normal thing to worry about in pregnancy, but for whatever reason, I did have those concerns. I was raised as a Christian and I wanted to pass my faith and belief in Christ Jesus to my children, simply because I believe in Him and His teachings. So I’m learning and have learned that first you must know the God that you are serving (through His Word) and trust God to lead you raising your kids. He has lead you this far, and if your reflective in your spiritual walk with Christ, you’ll see that if you heeded all of Christ’s warnings, loving suggestions and advice you would have probably done some things differently pertaining to your own life.

Well we want to influence the children when their young, when their belief in Jesus being their personal savior, friend is much more applicable. If the world is teaching them about the Easter bunny, and Santa Clause, you a s the parent can teach them about how to put their faith, love and trust in Lord Jesus Christ. He wont bring you your every wish, but honestly, neither will Santa, so.

Seriously, kids minds are easily influenced at the early ages of learning, and by speaking to your kids about who God is and His role in creation, as it relates to our lives gives them a concept of who He is all by himself and who He is in their life as their Father (not just a father-figure).

I probably wont go into detail today about all the ways that you can began teaching your children or children who you are pastoring to how to develop a relationship with Christ, My aim to is to have parents give their children the guidelines as we received when we first came to Christ. The first step is

• Acknowledge Christ, his life and His death and His resurrection. In doing so your child will become familiar with the character of God and his relationship he has with his son Jesus.
• Teach your child how to accept God/Jesus/Holy Spirit at His Word. You would never really put your trust in anyone you don’t have some form of relationship with.
• Help your child build his or her relationship with Christ. Teaching your child through bible stories and prayer is a great way to help your child build their personal relationship with the Lord.

In my estimation, knowing the love, power and sweet influence of the Holy Spirit and then being able to pass on the guidelines as well as benefits, on to your children, is key, and their are major benefits to serving the Lord. It is and has always been God’s plan to teach the future generations.

If it is your desire to introduce your children (any age group) to The Lord Jesus Christ but don’t know exactly where to begin. As with me and so many other parents, try the following prayer….

Thank you Lord for the beautifully wise children that you have given us, they are a gift from you.

We glorify your name Lord, believing that you have given us these children to love, provide and teach according to your Kingdom standards.

Father, In Jesus name I come before you today seeking you on how to be able to effectively raise spiritually healthy children. I want them to know, honor and in turn follow your your teachings.

Lord I am trusting you that you will teach me how to teach my children to follow you.      I now take the spiritual authority that you have given every believer who calls upon your name, and ask for the spirit of understanding, discernment to be able to lead my kids.

I pray for righteous godly influences, and  leaders that will be good role models in the lives of my children. I also ask that you will send them godly friends, as well as teachers that will encourage them how to live, think, act, react and speak, in order for them to develop and grow in their relationship with the Lord Jesus Christ. Thank you Lord, Amen.

 

Stephaniemary Fagbeyiro

Building Blocks To Raising Self Aware Children

 

Here at Babies and Baubles we like to honor the very fabric of our society by celebrating the family structure. I believe that that in order to have a well-functioning society, we as family units should begin to learn and implement the basics of healthy family foundations. Christian programs such as Parenting God’s Way provide tips, and articles that provide families the correct tools and scriptures on raising healthy children, as well as supports the promotion of healthy parents.

A few days ago I found myself listening to a broadcast on raising Christian children in a day and age where the world has its own way of teaching both parents and children what’s acceptable, and if you are like many other Christian parents, grandparents, caregivers and teachers you are aware that the world’s standards are vastly different from God’s way.

 

 

The Word Of The God says to “Train up a child in the way that should go, and when they are old they will not depart from it”. This scripture could apply to the importance of educating our children on on recognizing and establishing healthy boundaries, both physically, spiritually and emotionally. It is statistically accurate that the days of waiting until your children learn about sex education from the education system are long gone. Kids are being exposed to conversations and physical encounters every day. If unfamiliar with how to handle these situations things could  take a turn for the worse.

Experts say that you should begin to teach your kids about theses values way before you or society “deems” them  at the age of “maturity”. With that being said, what do you think is the appropriate age to begin teaching your kids about body awareness and how “the rules.” Don’t wait until the age that you think that they will be ready to learn about the importance of gender roles, the purpose of sex, and waiting until marriage to become intimate. Go ahead and prepare now.

Kids in today’s society are being exposed to alternative teachings, such as gender fluidity, homosexuality, masturbation, pre-marital sex, technically it’s never too early to get ahead of the learning curve, by introducing your children to Christian values, and how to meet God’s expectations of living righteously.

Outlets in the media; television, music, books, and even games and apps have exposed our kids to the too much, too soon syndrome. All of this covert programming is being received and filtered subconsciously through their senses and being processed in their minds, and if not taken care, absorbed and acted out. Think about how intently young kids can watch television or a movie intended for kids. They sit for thirty minutes shows back to back. We as Christian parents understand that the world’s way of influencing the masses is by programming certain agendas to be incorporated into mainstream media in order to slowly gain our acceptance. Our goal as parents of young, easily influenced children is to prevent that from happening.

One of the ways that you as a parent can actively become involved is by teaching them from the ages of one to three years old, is about being body conscious. This is something that young kids are taught at day care, but as a parent you can implement similar games with your children that will encourage them to take ownership over their bodies as well as educate them on the function of their bodies and it’s unique parts. To begin the, introduce a game where they physically identify their head, arms, legs and fingers and toes. Create a song or dance to go with it, or perhaps purchase a book that readily explains the functions. Also, visiting websites that are both kid and parent friendly alike such as Growing Hands On Kids and read their articles, one in particular 10 Body Awareness Activities For Kids provides activities that help your kids cultivate balance through movement and dancing to action songs. The kids will enjoy your participation, so do not hesitate to join them in play. Some parents will be hesitant about explaining anything beyond the basics of body awareness, but you don’t have to be. As a parent of a toddler it’s recommended that you begin to teach them about both their public parts (the parts you see everyday) and the private parts (the parts that you don’t see everyday). Our too much information…. This is something that children can grasp easily and if explained through honest communication that girls have specific parts and boys have specific parts, what they do and that these private parts are only relevant as their roles as parents….one day. It all makes sense when put into context. Explain to them that that after you become a mature woman you meet and marry a mature man. Women can then conceive and have babies. After young boys mature into men, they too meet and marry a woman and they produce babies that the woman, wife will carry. Your kids will be very interested in learning how they too will one day grow up, get married and have their own kids, because of course they have seen examples of healthy families roles in everyday life. They probably will have a few questions for you, and you should prepare to have mature answers for them as well.

In continuation, teaching your young children about body awareness, the next article will help you explain in depth how to maintain his or her purity as your child grows older, we all understand that we need to begin somewhere and then continue to have open communication as our children become older. So grab a few books and begin to reinforce the things that you have learned, as you begin to practice, your kids will be a little more prepared for the life they experience outside of your Christian home.

 

Stephaniemary Fagbeyiro-Post/Blogger and Business Owner

The Balancing Act – Raising Well Rounded Kids

Not too many people can deny the joy and peace that comes with raising children. However within the past 20 to 15 years, making sure that you as parents, keep your children nurtured protected and out of trouble has become increasingly harder to accomplish. Apart from adopting the ‘helicopter technique’ parenting style, in which you basically smother your child or children. In order to make sure that your children are their very best selves when out of your presence, you will need to implore some tactics.

Every parent desires to raise children that are physically and mentally healthy. It our goal to try our best in every situation to promote independence that will encourage even the shy ones to be more expressive an take on the world. The the thing is not all parents know just how to accomplish this without any further knowledge. The first step is to teach your children about healthy, normal awareness of self and others.

 

Teaching your kids, starting from a young age, just who they are as human beings, begins from inside the womb. I was encouraged with my first pregnancy to begin to communicate with my then baby, and it was difficult at first, but I begin to be encouraged, my son became more aware of who was around me and he would become more active in the womb when I spoke to him. The developmental stage of infancy is so rapid, www.wonderweeks.com, this state of awareness, develops both independence and reliability to them. Creating and establishing healthy boundaries is a follow up to self awareness, your child is establishing who they are in this world, or at least in their environment.

The five areas of human development, which are physical development, intellectual development, social development, emotional development and moral development, are used as a way to describe the stages that we learn while still children.

 

Normally, by the age of one and throughout the toddler stage, you can start implementing in-depth conversation with your kids, encouraging to problem solve, reading and having them ask questions are all ways to interact with your kids. Guiding a young adult at this stage gives them healthy boundaries as well as establishes rules, that serve to keep them on the right path. It’s very important to make them aware of who sets the rules of conduct.

 

The beautiful thing about parenting with positivity is that you are actively teaching your kids to value themselves and others, by creating structure as well as leading by example. By being a walking, talking reflection of what you would like to see in your child, you give them continual reference of what it is like to be a good person. How relatable are you with your children? As a parent, I enjoy spending time with my kids, as with most parents, I don’t think I do. Even if it’s spending time reading to them and allowing them to ask questions or watching the tv shows that they like, playing outside or doing active arts and craft projects with them, take an hour daily to entertain them.

I believe that one of the most important stages of development that we should want to place a high level of importance on is moral development. Teaching your your children how to have a Godly character is by far one the best ways to make sure that they will live a healthy, full productive life. Every other method of raising competent, considerate children that actually works, focuses on ‘self’. Christianity and Judaism especially teach that man has never been the focal point, especially of attaining self perfection. Just like infants, we are taught how to be righteous, honest, caring trustworthy, loving, as Christ is. When we apply that knowledge to preparing our young children for the world that begins in the home, they begin to recall on the lessons of Christianity and its teachings. Now when they are away from home and interacting with various people and or situations the morals and values that are continually being taught to them, actually provide the structure for establishing and maintaining a well rounded child into adulthood.

 

 

Stephaniemary Fagbeyiro/Blogger and Business Owner

Dysfunctional families are breeding grounds for abuse and neglect

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Randy Withers in The Mission

Editor/writer for blunt-therapy.com, writing about mental health, addiction, relationships, and parenting. 📧: Support@blunt-therapy.com

Jan 17, 2018 · 9 min

Here Are 5 Unbelievably Toxic Things Good Parents Never Do

Dysfunctional families are breeding grounds for abuse and neglect.

Hope my mom and I hope my dad Will figure out why they get so mad Hear them scream, I hear them fight Say bad words that make me want to cry — Everclear

A few years ago, I worked with a husband and wife who hated each other. Frank and Janet* had a 9-year-old daughter and a 3-year-old son. They had a bad habit of screaming at one another in front of them. She’d call him a “motherf-cking coward” and he’d call her a “psycho c-nt.”

*Not their real names.

Frank and Janet worked their fingers to the bone in thankless jobs that required erratic hours. At home, there was neither consistency nor structure, two things that are vital for the effective functioning of a family with young kids. Their son threw epic psycho-tantrums, the frequency and duration of which were alarming, even for a toddler. Their daughter was defiant and disrespectful.

We got involved because their daughter set a school bus on fire (long story) and so she was on supervised probation with the Department of Juvenile Justice. I work with families in their homes, because in cases like these, having a child talk to a therapist in some office for an hour twice a month just doesn’t cut it.

Family Systems Theory holds that children can become “symptom bearers” in a dysfunctional home. Basically, a child’s behavioral problems or mental illness effectively mirrors the problems of the family as whole. In this case, the son was throwing tantrums and the daughter was being defiant because that’s exactly what was going on in the home.

I confronted Frank and Janet during one session about their arguing. The kids were sitting on the floor, playing games on their tablets. I was saying to them that children are always listening, even if it doesn’t seem like they are.

“Children learn how to communicate from their parents,” I was telling them. “What kind of message do you think they receive when all they see is Mom and Dad fighting?”

Janet was incredulous. “This is ridiculous,” she said, shooting a coarse look at Frank, whose eyes belied his complicity. “We don’t hardly ever argue in front of them.”

The three-year-old looked up as if on cue. “You do too!” he shouted.

“Yeah, really,” their daughter chimed in, rolling her eyes.

This isn’t hard to understand. When adults start behaving like adults, problems like these tend to go away. The challenge is getting the adults to see that they are the ones who cause most of the problems.

If a person is simple arithmetic, a family is calculus. Each member has their own strengths, their own struggles, their own point of view. They have their own personalities, their own fears, their own hopes. Each member also has a unique relationship with every other member, too. So, in a home with 7 people, there are, at minimum, 49 distinct relationships.

When it comes to family, everything is relative. If Mom and Dad are fighting, you can bet that it relates to Billy’s problems at school. If Billy is defiant, you can bet it relates to communication problems between Mom and Dad. And all this stuff is affecting little Susie as well, who is starting to wet the bed because everyone is fighting and she is scared.

The problem — as well as the solution — begins and ends with the adults. Period. Full stop. End of sentence. But too often, parents would rather chase rabbits instead of admitting their own role as arbiters of the dysfunctional family system. They will focus on the problems at school, or the defiance, or the bed wetting, without stopping for a moment to acknowledge that they might be the cause of it all.

In every dysfunctional family, you’ll see the same unbelievably toxic behaviors and traits. Just one of them alone is enough to cause severe problems. Unfortunately, these behaviors tend to come as a package deal.

“Childhood trauma does not come in one single package.” ― Asa Don Brown

1. Dysfunctional families never accept responsibility.

Have you ever met a person who was never, ever at fault? No matter the circumstance, they are the victim. It was the other person who started it. It was the other person who was wrong. They are Teflon. People like this are experts in blame shifting and denial, and you will never hear them say they are sorry.

Good parents always make a point of modeling positive behaviors, even if it means admitting they were wrong. Some people think apologies are a sign of weakness, but the opposite is true. Adults always take responsibilities for their actions. How can we reasonably expect our children to accept consequences if we don’t apply that same standard to ourselves?

This is an issue though that is far greater than saying you’re sorry. Parents who never accept responsibility themselves are also the ones who undermine disciplinary measures at school. They make up excuses. They justify bad behaviors. Ever seen a parent arguing with a school principal? My so and so would never do such a thing, they say.

Several years ago, I worked at a military academy down in Florida. One day, a new parent came up to me with his son in tow. “Commander Withers,” he said, “If Kevin here ever gets cute with you, you have my permission to bury him under one of these buildings.”

I could have kissed that man. Would that all parents gave teachers carte blanche to discipline their kids.

“On top of the abuse and neglect, denial heaps more hurt upon the child by requiring the child to alienate herself from reality and her own experience. In troubled families, abuse and neglect are permitted; it’s the talking about them that is forbidden.” ― Marcia Sirota

2. Dysfunctional families keep secrets.

Here’s a situation that happens more than you might think. A few years ago, Uncle Ted molested Mom and Dad’s oldest daughter. She was 13 at the time. She’s 15 now — grades are slipping, she’s growing more and more defiant, she’s dabbling in drugs and having sex at school. The thing is, Uncle Ted is still a regular in the home, because Ted is Dad’s brother, and he’s a good man, so the family just pretends it never happened.

The 15-year-old starts acting out, because her parents betrayed her and she doesn’t feel safe anymore. And it’s going to get worse, because now Uncle Ted has his eyes on the youngest daughter, and she’s only 6. And the cycle will repeat because that is what families like this do. Incest tends to get passed down from one generation to another.

Could you imagine letting a sex offender near your child? Probably not. But it happens all the time. Family members are, without question, the ones who are most likely to perpetrate.

Parents often fail to take responsibility for the safety of their children, because they are prideful and way too concerned about what their neighbors might think. To acknowledge there is a problem — such as the case with Uncle Ted — is to admit there is actually a problem.

Instead, the secret keepers keep quiet and they forbid their children to talk about it, as if silence erases trauma. And when the kids start to act out or engage in self-harm, the parents fail to connect the dots and they chalk it up to a phase, or bad behavior, or the school systems, or their peers. No insight. No personal responsibility. No actual parenting.

This attitude is often multi-generational. People inherit lots of things from their parents — eye color and skin pigment, for example. We also tend to inherit abstract things, too. Religious beliefs, culture, political persuasions. Some families pass down rape and incest. Several years ago, in Asheville, NC, Buncombe County Child Protective Services rescued an 11-year-old boy who was being molested by both his grandparents and his parents. At the same time. It was not an isolated incident.

Secrets can destroy. If you’ve grown up in a family of secret-keepers, you know exactly what I’m talking about.

“The shared secret and the shared denial are the most horrible aspects of incest.” ― John Bradshaw

3. Dysfunctional families argue. All the time. About everything.

If you grow up in a family full of arguers, you think it’s normal. It isn’t. Plenty of parents argue, which is not inherently problematic. The problem comes when the parents do not have the presence of mind to argue away from their children.

In mentally ill families, this is always a major issue. If you are 8 years old, and your parents are always screaming at one another, how are you supposed to learn healthy communication? The kids end up arguing as much with the adults as they argue with themselves, and the adults end up arguing with the children, as if that is somehow an effective use of their time.

Have adult conversations in private. Period. If you don’t have the presence of mind to perform this one simple task, please refrain from procreating. Arguing in front of children is both mentally and verbally abusive and sends a terrible signal about how they should handle conflict.

Parents who argue with their children lose 100% of the time. What they fail to realize is that arguing serves two very different purposes, depending on your age. For adults, arguing is an (ineffective) way to express one’s rhetorical stance and tell the other person why they are wrong. For kids, the sole purpose of arguing is to elicit an emotional response from you. The moment you yell, you’ve lost.

“If mental abuse was a punishable crime, a lot of parents would be in jail serving a long term.” ― Maddy Malhotra

4. Dysfunctional families treat children like adults.

Firm boundaries are a critical feature of healthy families. One of these boundaries is a concept we call “Role Performance.” In the most basic terms, adults are supposed to act like adults and children are supposed to act like children. In dysfunctional families, these roles are often blurred.

In dysfunctional families, parents tend to expose their children to things that are not appropriate for their age. I worked with a 9-year-old once who was in charge of paying bills and a 45 year old mother who had to get permission from her 11 year old son before she went out on dates. Frequently, children of divorced parents find themselves relaying messages or brokering deals. These are all examples of things that children have no business doing.

To the casual observer, “mature” children seem ideal. However, when we require children to perform adult duties, they inevitably fall victim to anxiety and distress because they lack the skills, wisdom, and emotional stability to deal with the inherent stress.

Adults who get overwhelmed with stress tend to have relatively sophisticated coping skills. They may vent to a colleague or call a friend or go to the gym. Kids, having no idea how to manage stress, tend to act out. Invariably, children with behavioral disorders such as oppositional-defiance are responding to the stresses of age-inappropriate roles and responsibilities.

It’s totally fine to assign tasks to children, provided they are developmentally appropriate. Adolescents can and should be expected to clean up after themselves and keep their rooms tidy. Teenagers can and should be expected to complete homework assignments, do yard work, and provided limited supervision for younger children. Even toddlers can be assigned basic chores.

But having an adolescent approve who you date or be responsible for paying bills? No, no, no. Hell, no.

Perhaps nothing so accurately characterizes dysfunctional families as denial.” ― John Bradshaw

5. Finally, dysfunctional families are breeding grounds for abuse.

Abuse comes in lots of forms — physical, sexual, verbal. The most common one I see though is emotional abuse. Experience has taught me that DSS will intervene if you spank your kids too hard, but parents can be emotionally abusive with impunity. Maybe it’s because physical and sexual abuse are crimes and emotional abuse is not. It may be because emotional abuse is difficult to prove. It may also be that, just like everyone else in the mental health field, DSS is overworked, comically underpaid, and grossly outnumbered.

Emotional abuse is pervasive and dangerous, but it often does not look like typical abuse. Here are some examples.

• If you use drugs in front of your children, or watch pornography, or engage in illegal activities, that is emotional abuse.
• If you have small children and you involve them in adult issues such as finances and bills and legal troubles — that is emotional abuse.
• If you and your spouse fight with one another in front of your kids using fists or words or both — that is emotional abuse.
• If you threaten to kick your kids out of your home, that is emotional abuse.
• If you withhold love from your children because you are too self-absorbed to spend time with them — that is emotional abuse.
• And if you blame it all on them — that is abuse, too.

Children can suffer from all sorts of different mental health issues, from mild depression and anxiety all the way up to acute psychosis. Adults, of course, can suffer from these problems as well. The difference is that a child’s mental health problems are almost always a reflection of the dysfunction in which they live.

To treat a child, you must first treat the parents and the dysfunctional family system. The good news here is that this is something that can be done. The challenging part though for many parents is that they first must admit that maybe, just maybe, they are the ones who are ultimately responsible for the problem.

“Childhood should be carefree, playing in the sun; not living a nightmare in the darkness of the soul.” ― Dave Pelzer

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If you enjoyed this piece, check out some of my other articles on Medium.

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Randy WithersEditor/writer for blunt-therapy.com, writing about mental health, addiction, relationships, and parenting. 📧: Support@blunt-therapy.com

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